One reason why networking during a job search feels so awkward is because those inexperienced with proper networking think it’s just about asking people for leads or favors.
It feels awkward and imbalanced. It feels like groveling to someone who has more to give than you do. And that’s why many choose, unfortunately, to bypass this very effective job search strategy.
But the way to get around these cringeworthy moments is to lead with a sincere objective of giving first. Not only does this make you feel better, it gives you a technique rooted in science that will eventually lead to far better outcomes. The kind of outcomes you’re looking for.
Why giving first is good strategy
The reason why giving first is effective in your networking is because it triggers a strong social response to reciprocate.
In Dr. Robert Cialdini’s best seller book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion he talks about reciprocity as one of the six effective principles to influencing others.
He states that people often feel obligated to return a favor when someone does something for them first. This is a deeply ingrained social norm that crosses cultures.
If you think about it, when someone gives us something (a gift, help, a compliment, etc.), even if we didn’t ask for it, we feel a psychological response to repay them in kind.
When you’re invited to someone’s home for dinner, you bring along a bottle of wine, flowers, or dessert to balance out the generosity.
Dr. Cialdini goes on to share that we are so compelled to lift this burden of obligation that we reciprocate whenever we get the chance.
The good news is the returned favor doesn’t have to be equal in value. Any gesture can suffice as reciprocation. The motivation is to be free of this supposed “favor” debt.
How this applies to effective networking
This feeling of obligation to return a favor can eliminate the cringey and awkward feelings we get when networking. When we approach networking with a give-first mentality, we come in as an equal. Both parties can do the other a favor. It’s no longer groveling. It’s an even exchange. But by being the first to give, or at the very least offer to give, you’re triggering the reciprocal response.
Further, when you aim to authentically give, you can really stand out. You stand apart from those who attempt to network but can’t get past their own immediate needs. You build a reputation for being generous and not just a taker. You lay a foundation of positive goodwill.
However, to make this strategy work you need patience. You can’t dictate the timing or form of the repaid favor. Nor can you guarantee that this person will be compelled to reciprocate in the first place. Sometimes people don’t. But in my experience and generally, most people want to keep things even.
How to give first to make it count
Believing in the philosophy of generosity and the science behind it is the first step. But the second step is delivering on it.
For networking, that generosity can take many forms.
You can offer advice, suggestions, news/information, access, a recommendation, a proactive introduction. Or something simple like a compliment or encouragement. It’s an opportunity to be creative.
Don’t limit your thinking to just your professional knowledge base either. All the things you know and are exposed to are fair game. For instance, maybe you have a recommendation for a great Spanish bottle of wine. Or a top-notch travel agent you can refer someone to.
It is also a good excuse to stay in touch. Imagine the reaction of a networking contact when you send a simple but genuine end of year card, birthday message, or congratulation on an achievement. No matter what you do, it’s the thought that counts.
Wrap-up
Networking can lose a lot of its bad reputation if those who attempt it approach it the right way. By taking the lead and giving first, you position yourself to benefit from the reciprocity principle while setting yourself apart from others who are networking with a me-first mentality.
All the while, as you plant seeds of generosity, you can count on science to prove out that these acts of kindness will come back to you. And they will in a time and manner not of your choosing but in a way that often is shockingly better. Sometimes you get what you need before you get what you think you want. So give freely and generously. It makes you kind and savvy.