For many, the idea of networking is cringeworthy because in their mind it’s no different than begging for a job. They see it as asking people (some of whom they don’t know well) for a favor. It feels one sided and imposing.
And when networking is approached this way it does feel awkward. But there’s a way to reframe networking in order to make it more comfortable for you and more effective for reaching your job-search goals.
Networking is not the same as job hunting
When networking, approach it holistically with a primary goal of building relationships. It’s an activity with no set agenda. When connecting with someone, consider how you can mutually help one another, now and in the future.
One way could be job-search assistance such as leads or introductions. But that isn’t the only thing or even the most important. Pressing for job-search assistance and doing it too soon could risk turning valuable connections into unwanted dead ends.
Asking for job help only shuts down possibility
When you outright ask your networking contact for a job or a job lead, you put them in an awkward position. They are likely consumed with their work and don’t exactly have a pulse on the job market. You’re asking them for intel about a job market they are not a part of. Further, it sets the exchange up as an either/or situation. They either can help or not and that binary request kills the momentum for more expansive and longer term help.
The challenge of networking on a tight timeline
This biggest problem comes when desperate job seekers attempt to employ networking in their job search and they rush the resourcefulness of the contact or the relationship. Job seeking alone is about you—your goals, your resume, your next steps. It’s not a give and take.
Much like a savings account, a networking contact needs time to accumulate value. It needs deposits and some maturity before you can withdraw on that account without risking being overdrawn. It is for this reason networking needs to be a regular, consistent activity aimed at long-term growth.
Networking for long term benefit
Networking is about building mutually beneficial relationships, not making one-time requests. It’s about learning, sharing insights, and offering value to others before you need something. The best networkers are always thinking about giving first. They’re thinking about how they can be a benefit to their contact with an introduction, a resource, access, advice, etc.
They do this because they know this investment will return to them in kind. The magic of networking is the serendipity and chance encounters you experience when you create an open environment. Networking cannot deliver a defined outcome on a defined timeline. Paradoxically, what you get from it is often better than what you thought you needed.
How to network for more successful outcomes
Your networking is a long-term project. Little by little you’re building a community of contacts that know you and can potentially help and advocate for you.
Lead with curiosity
When you approach someone with curiosity—showing a genuine interest in their perspective and experience—you’re much more likely to make a real connection. Broad open-ended questions such as these are great places to start.
- How did you get started in this industry?
- What drove you to pivot into this industry and how did you do it?
- What have been some of the biggest lessons learned of your career?
- For someone entering this industry, what advice would you give?
- Are there any resources (education or people) you would recommend?
These last two questions are indirect requests for access to contacts that may be helpful in an immediate job search. The questions are not imposing and can open the door to the possibilities of more immediate help. But that’s a byproduct, not the goal which is to build foundational connections.
End with gratitude
One way to build that “social bank account” faster is to establish goodwill early and often. You do this by being forthright in your gratitude to your networking contacts. Not only for their information but also their time. They likely have busy lives so taking the time to meet with you should be recognized for its value. A thank you at the end of the sessions and a follow up note reinforces this.
Secondly, consider how you can give back. Part of the awkwardness that most people feel about networking comes from the imbalance of generosity that can exist. Someone is giving and you are taking. But do your part to better balance the equation. Research them early on to see what you can do that would be of value to them. Share their profile with AI and ask for suggestions on how this contact can be helped.
Listening for clues during your conversations can help too. Remember, not all help has to be related to their professional lives. Think about them holistically to expand on how you can help. For example, offer up a great plumber if they open the conversation complaining about their house renovation project.
Practice reciprocity
If you can’t come up with any ideas on how to help, just come out and say so. Tell them the offer to help stands now and in the future. Nearly no one makes this suggestion to networking contacts. When I do this in my networking meetings, the response is surprise and appreciation. Be sure to reiterate this message in your follow up note too.
Wrap-up
Networking is a long game and the benefits multiply the more you invest in it. If you want more doors to open and opportunities to materialize, you can’t treat networking simply as a job search tactic. Approach it as a lifelong practice. The more you build authentic relationships, the less you’ll ever need to “cold ask” for a job again.